Com'on... Hatty?! ... Please?

I've been playing for Saint James United for a season and a bit now and I haven't scored for them yet so tonight I felt the need to do so. Before the game I was warming up and taking shots on net when I happened to nail the crossbar. Our keeper then mentioned that I should shoot like that during games but of course score. I was hittin' the ball well and I knew I was going to give'r this game. About 15 mins in we strung some passes together and I ended up receiving a lay-off beauty just outside the 18 yard box. I took a control touch towards the net and blasted it as their defenders closed in on me. It sailed and I was very optimistic about the shot. A laser beam. Right over the keeper, top shelf! I was pumped. A few minutes later as the score was 3 nil I had another unbelievable chance. Their keeper bobbled it and I over ran it a bit and tried to flick it back to my front (my hacky sack skills kicked in). As I flicked it, the keeper totally ran by and missed it so I had the open net! However, I was not directly in front of the yawning potate [potato] sack. In order to score I needed to lunge towards the ball and shoot diagonally behind me to the left. I did it and took the fall... PING! Off the post! Unbelievable. Whatevs [whatever] I got back up into the play. It got crossed back in, my teammate pulls off a mini scissor kick, and the keeper stones him at point blank. The ball rebounded to my feet and I swiftly side footed it into the bottom corner. My work paid off, although I was pretty sure I was totes [totally] offside... meh, I'll take it!
My teammate actually beat me to a hatty [hat-trick] in the first half! Unreal. Before the game I actually mentioned how Fernando Torres scored a hatty in the first half of Spain's game against New Zealand; and here I was about to do the same! We had a corner, the ball popped out to the middle and I yelled for the switch. I was wide open on the left side. The ball came and it was an easy one on one break between me and the keeper. I had no angle to shoot and I didn't want to toe punt so I cut back into the middle of the box... a defender came out of no where and cleared it! My hatty was there! Oh well. I didn't get much chances after that but overall it was such a stellar game. The final score was 8-1 (Yes we dominated, though they were short a player). Good times, I felt accomplished this night.